Tags: Arab, Arabic, elaine, funny, marriage, seinfeld, Women

I think someone should make a sitcom similar to Seinfeld about life in the Arab World.

One of the funniest things in Arabic societies is marriage. Yes, we have actually identified a certain period in a woman’s life during which she can, and must get married, and if we could, we would’ve created an actual marriage train for women to try and catch. Anything to make a woman’s life harder.

What’s so funny about that you ask? I’ll tell you what, it’s the absurdity of how this period is identified. Let me explain more. Nobody has even the courtesy to tell us exactly when should we hurry up and get married, I mean it’s one thing to limit marriage age to a couple of years and a whole different story not to agree on an exact period. Some say it’s between 25-28, some say 24-27, others think it’s between 21-27 (probably the longest). It’s insane I tell you, they can’t even make up their mind as to when exactly should we start husband-hunting and when should we just give up and enjoy!

If you’re between 20-24 and you tell your friends you’re getting married, they’ll say something like: “are you crazy?” or “but you’re too young to get married!” (you’re getting married not dead for heavens’ sake!) or “why don’t you keep your options open at least?” (I’M GETTING MARRIED! Why would I want to search for other men? If I want to marry someone, that means I’ve already decided that he’s the one. Simple logic.) And there’s always those who ask you to “take it slowly” and “take your time”, now by the sound of it, it really does make sense, because you don’t want to rush into anything let alone a marriage but again, telling Mr. Right that he’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and how much you love him then telling him that you must wait just for the heck of it is just nuts. If everything is perfect between you, what’s the point of waiting? Just because you’re 20 and society allows you to be single for at least 4 years more, that doesn’t mean you have to make the best of those 4 years ie. Meeting as much men as possible for the sake of all the people who try to convince you that maybe there’s even a better guy out there! So you should go tell that amazing guy you want to marry that you’re smarter than this, and that you’ll have to pass this time because you’re still 20, and you have 4 years to try and find someone better. And if after 4 years you didn’t find that someone, you’ll apologize for Mr.Right- who’s supposedly still waiting for you- and tell him that you can now safely marry him, because you’re time is up. But hey maybe just maybe if you waited a bit longer than four years…

“take it slowly” and “take your time” also means that you should spend more time with each other and get to know each other more before you decide that you want to spend the rest of your life together (but only God knows how much time is enough to confidently say that you know someone). Let me tell you something, there’s no such thing as better or best life partner, because in fact you’ll never know for sure that this person is the one meant for you, you either think and feel it or you don’t, it has nothing to do with how many months or years you know that someone. Besides, life is not perfect, and no one is perfect. No one stays rich or poor. Life happens. All you can do is live it with the one you love.

Back to the funny stuff. So you have an average of 4 years to get married, before those 4 years you’ll be stupidly cute, crazy or suspiciously eager to get married and after those 4 years, you’ll be too old for most of men (and their moms), threateningly independent or a second or third choice for some men (and their moms of course).

One year you’re every guy’s dream. The next a guy would be doing you a favor (and very possibly after something you have) by thinking of you at all . And of course if you marry someone when you’re 30+, people will still sympathize with you because “naturally” your marriage is a petty marriage. Everyone is just so glad you got married, finally, now they can all rest in peace.

Don’t take everything literally though. A year could be two. And some people think once you’re 18 you’re more than ready to get married. Also some think pursuing higher education is your ticket to a forever singleness.

To say that it’s degrading is an understatement. But look at the bright side, life expectancy in the Arab world does not exceed 65 in most countries. I’m sure that change is on the way.

That sounded funnier in my head. OK, who remembers that Seinfeld episode when Elaine stocks up on sponges and starts classifying men into sponge-worthy and not sponge-worthy?